Today I thought of my Granny as Daddy pushed me in a wheelchair through the produce section of Walmart. When Granny was having radiation for her cancer, she became so weak that Aunt Joyce got a wheelchair for her to make it easier to get her where she needed to go. I would sit in Granny's wheelchair and roll around in it. Granny said if I ever had to sit in one it would not be so fun! Once again Granny knew what was true.
This was the first time I let my pride go and rode in a chair except for at the hospital. It isn't fair when your parents have to push your chair. It is not the natural order of things. I cry as I type knowing how low I have gotten.
Today was my cardiology visit, and ... another old woman sign... nitroglycerin pills. I expect to wake up some morning soon with gray hair! My friend Kay says my hair is as pretty as ever, so at least I have one thing going right. Of course my cardiologist truly believes he can fix all that is wrong and turn me back into the old Cindy Lou. Every doctor I see believes that, and I hope that one of them is right.
I sit and look at gardening supply catalogs and dream of what I will grow next year if I am well. I dream of going to work every morning. I dream of sitting on a beach watching the sun rise. I even dream of being able to cook a meal. Maybe someday...