Lots of Reading

Casey gave me A Life in Stitches for my birthday. I enjoyed the stories of Rachel Herron's knitted items and the stories of what was happening in her life as she knit them. I don't think someone who does not knit passionately would enjoy it.

An Amish Christmas was free for a few days as an ebook. My mom gave me a real Kindle for my birthday, and I am loving it. It is so  much easier to read than reading on my iPod. This was a great book, but the price has gone back up now.

I was looking at my mom's Nook today and saw this book on it. I downloaded it on my Kindle from Amazon. It was a free book. It is a very short book. I read it in just a few hours. It is a nice little story.

I did get some medicine that is helping my abdominal pain. It still hurts but not as badly.

2011 was a rough year for me and I am not sorry to see it end. I am hopeful that next year will be better.

Holidays

We made it through the Christmas holidays without any major events. I have continued to have tummy issues and they really came to a head on the 26th. I could not sleep because my abdominal pain was so bad. I have been having issues since September, but it has been off and on. I am going to see my previous family doctor tomorrow in hopes that she will be able to help me. I am so tired of everything I eat making me sick.

Thanks to friends Pam and Grant for a very nice Christmas gift. A medical bill arrived with it that it will cover.

I really enjoyed reading The Choice. The main character had everything you can imagine happen to her. It was a nice light read.

Mu friend Linda C. sent me Peggy Poe Stern's newest book. Buck from Stagg's Creek. It arrived in the mail yesterday and I finished it today. It is short stories; tall tales. I found it very entertaining.



Thankful Once Again

Many thanks to my aunts Kathy and Jean, and former co-worker Colleen for sending money to help with my bills. Scott picked up a load at the pharmacy today and we decided to skip a couple that are no longer  covered by my insurance. I am not paying $770 for a months supply of anything unless I am 100% going to die without it. This particular medicine keeps me from reacting to things I eat. I will just have to be super careful. Another medicine was $140 and we skipped it also because there are ways to make do without it.

Kristen has been celebrating Christmas today with gifts from our family. We had a pretty good day with the exception of a bout of tummy trouble after eating some pizza at lunch. I've had lots of company today which helps my mood.

I also want to specially thank Dr. Charles Ford for the beautiful letter he wrote to the company denying my long term disability claim. He wrote exactly how it is - how it feels physically and emotionally, and the time it takes to recover from anaphylaxis. I was speaking about that to my primary care physician on Tuesday - it seems they think you can go in the bathroom, pop an epipen and go right back to work. It takes days to recover physically and I have had so many I am not sure if I will ever recover mentally. Very few people understand the terror of seeing someone with a mop bucket in a public place, or seeing an automatic air freshener dispenser on a bathroom wall. It is terrible to be afraid to go in a public place because you don't know who may have on a perfume that may trigger an anaphylaxis. I really appreciate all Dr. Ford has done for me since I met him in 2004. Also thanks to Barry who takes care of making sure Dr. Ford does what he intends. He is so busy that he has to have reminders I am sure.

Little Bentley is drinking from a cup by himself. He loves water, and especially loves prunes. This child has been giving me the strength to continue to fight this horrid disease since before he was born. He would be fine without me, but I sure want to watch him grow and see what he will become.

Running Up and Down the Highway

I am extremely tired. I had a doctor's appointment yesterday and another today. Since we are approximately 1 1/2 hours from Johnson City, this makes long days. Each doctor's visit takes more money, which sinks me deeper into the hole. With the addition of the last medication it pushed my medication costs to almost $500 per month ( and that is a good month with no extras). My long term disability review is in progress but is waiting for more records. I am still working to get all the paper work needed for my social security disability hearing.

I would love to be at work. All the people coming and going make life so much better. Boredom and loneliness overtake me some days, especially dark and dreary days like today. If I could get well there is so much I want to do.

Enough gloom...

The Concrete Blonde was very entertaining. It is about a police officer who shoots and kills a serial killer and then is sued in civil court by the family. I loved it. It was an audio book from audible.com

My Aunt Jan sent me Miracle and Other Christmas Stories for Kindle. Most of the stories were very good. It definitely brightened my mood. Thanks Jan.

Other than just a tiny bit of secret knitting nothing going on in the craft world. I have lost interest in most things other than reading and TV. I watched a few Christmas movies but real life just does not turn out the way it does in those movies.

I am looking forward to Kristen spending a few days with me. She will be a bright spot in my week. Casey and Bentley won't be back until Christmas. I miss the kids so much. I wish they all could be here all the time.

Thanks to Carol and Angie for supper last night. The taco soup was great!

Please pray for God to show me his will. I would love to return to work somewhere - where ever I am supposed to be, but I need to be well.  If I am not getting well, I really need the long term disability check to be restarted. We would not be able to pay bills now if not for the generosity of family and friends. It is really hard for me emotionally to not be contributing to the family income. It isn't fair for me to be dragging everyone into this dark hole of debt with me. I really need some sign that everything is going to be ok. Please ask God just to give me some hope again that everything is going to work out.

Book Recap

I am a bit behind with my book recommendations. Megan's Way was excellent - a real tear jerker about a mother fighting cancer. 5 star.

My Heart Remembers was also 5 star. It is about a family of orphans sent west after their parents died and the story of their lives.

Trial by Fury is about a Fundamentalist Mormon group and the things they do to protect their way of life. Also 5 star.

All of these books were available for the Kindle App on my iPod Touch. I have also been reading old cookbooks. I am fascinated by instructions on how to cook a sheep's head.

This has been a very depressing time for me. I am fighting to stay ahead of the darkness. I am now able to put a little weight on my leg and walk using my walker, but I now remember that I couldn't walk before I broke my leg due to shortness of breath and chest pain. I want so much to be well, and I am really struggling with what possible purpose I serve when I am as helpless as a small child. I know that there is a purpose but I am really in a low place emotionally.

Thanks to my brother and sister-in-law and to my parents for financial help. I really hate being so dependent physically and financially, but do appreciate all  that is done for me so very much.

Bentley visited today and while he is around, no one can be sad.

A Slow Mend

I can't say that I have recovered from my illness, but I am improving a little each day. I came home on Tuesday. I have been taking Phenergan and Zofran pretty much around the clock for nausea. Tomorrow is my last day of antibiotics so I am hopeful that the nausea will go away when I finish those.

I told Scott today that I am going to be completely well by Spring. My leg will be healed and I refuse to be sick anymore. I decided that surgery reset my heart and my IA. A while later when I checked my blood pressure my pulse was high again - the first time since my surgery. I get it. My illness is not up to me. Please God - I don't need an anaphylaxis to be shown further that I have no control.

Special thanks to my Uncle Dennis and cousin Amy for an early Christmas gift to help with my bills. Also, as always, thanks to my parents, husband and daughter for their unending care and support.

Finally A Diagnosis

They finally got enough lab reports back to give me a diagnosis of a bacterial infection of the colon. The cultures aren't back to tell exactly what it is but Flagyl works for most so I will be starting on it.

I am back to nothing by mouth since any fluid at all gives me diarrhea. Hopefully after a few doses of Flagyl I will be able to keep fluids in and can go home.

Back in the Hospital

I was admitted yesterday for dehydration. I have been sick since Thanksgiving but got much worse on Wednesday. I was not able to keep my medications down so I was admitted yesterday.