Monday, February 7, 2011

99 Years Without Parole

I'm stuck in this malfunctioning prison of a body. My hope for remission is getting dim. I know it happens, but this continuing cycle is bringing me down. I have been very careful but it seems that a little stress and a sleepless night sent me back into anaphylaxis today.

This is a bad day. I do remember the post a few days ago that I am to refer back to but it just doesn't help much at this moment. I'm tired of being strong and positive. I'm just plain tired.

When I worked in long term care, I felt so bad for people trapped in bodies that didn't work. I was in my 20s, and I didn't have a clue how bad it could be. I am no where near what those people deal with on a daily basis, but I have a much better understanding now than I did then. Can you imagine being trapped in a body that will no longer move? Imagine being completely coherent but unable to communicate. Yes, there are plenty of people who are worse than me. I can write to you. I can talk. I can walk. I can feed myself.

My sincerest wish is for everyone to be ready in case something goes wrong. I have an advance care plan and a power of attorney for health care. We all should. Think about what you want if you can no longer control your own body. Be sure it is written down and legal. It will keep me from worrying that  you are trapped in a prison without parole. Forms are available at any hospital.

1 comment:

Bekka said...

Oh, dear Cindy. I so hate this for you and with you. And I know how hard it can be to keep your chin up.

Sending you virtual hugs and slobbery kisses,